Jun 21, 2011

Dating Tips for Black Women

The U.S. Census Bureau's 2011 American Community Survey reported that 43 percent of the black population aged 15 and over are in the "single and never married" category compared with just 23 percent of whites in the same age group. For black women to successfully arrive at the altar, it requires an adjustment in screening criteria and dating habits.

Getting a Date

Professional men are in high demand as mates.

Many black women have a stringent list of qualifications for men. With black women graduating from college at a 2-1 ratio over black men, the pool of good-looking, white-collar professional black men with six-figure salaries is small. However, a man's looks has nothing to do with how well he will love you nor is intelligence the domain of the educated. Limiting romantic choices based on a narrow list of criteria will keep many black women at home alone.

Casual Dating

Have the courage to say "enough!" if it's not working for you.

Dating provides the opportunity for two strangers to spend time together sharing a pleasurable experience. The best dates are not dinner and a movie but an activity that gets you involved, having fun and talking. Have fun without creating expectations of anything long term.

Listening to men is critical. Listen to his words while paying strict attention to what he does. A man of his word is a man of character. Allow him to speak and ask questions about his interests, history and goals while sharing similar information yourself. Maintain a positive attitude and a smile.

At first, avoid topics such as religion, abortion or prison reform. He'll be interested in your experiences, and what things mean to you but not in gossip. Avoid discussion of past relationships because few men want to hear how other men did you wrong.

Should you discover after the first few dates that this man is not what you are looking for in terms of character, attitude or maturity, be strong enough to end it and move on. Don't waste your time trying to "make it work."

Winning the Dating Game

It's common for single black women to assume after a couple of dates that they are in an exclusive relationship. Many begin auditioning for the role of wife by cooking and cleaning. Assume that the new man in your life is seeing at least one other woman. Until you have had a serious conversation about commitment, you are both free to date others. Should you decide to go to the next level, provide a grace period and opportunity for your partner to resolve past relationships.

As your relationship progresses, sex will become an issue. Premature sexual intimacy causes many women to develop emotional attachments to unsuitable men. Though intimacy may be involved, it is inappropriate to expect fidelity or accountability from a man you are not in a committed relationship with.

Dating is a game, but you have to be in it to win. Get out of the house or office and socialize in settings where you are likely to meet someone with similar interests. Never be afraid to make the first move by saying "hello!"

Black women, come to find your love!